The biggest struggle I have with my son is ensuring he doesn't spend his entire life staring at a screen. Although my daughter naturally gravitates toward other activities, my 10-year-old son chooses screens first and, if I let him, he can happily spend HOURS playing video games and watching his favorite episodes. I have no idea why the two are so different but there's something magnetic about the screen that draws my son in, holds him tight, and won't let him go.
So, now that the school year is almost done, I need an amazing, foolproof, screen-free game plan for the summer. Although my son will go to a couple of camps, the rest of his vacation will be spent at home.
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Why limit screen time
It's not that I believe screen time is all bad. My son, for example, is into coding programs like Scratch. Recently, he created a game where crabs on a beach hunt for tacos. And when they finally chow down, well… let's just say they let out a big, stinky surprise! In this case, he's using screen time to learn new skills, hone his creativity, and laugh with his friends.
The issues I have with screen time are that it takes time away from other pursuits (even if that's just time to be bored) and the consequences of having too much.
In the media you hear scary facts like too much screen time can have negative impacts on attention span, creativity, relationships, and mental health or that it can lead to obesity and sleep issues.
As a parent, this is what I know for sure:
On the days my son has had too much screen time he's extra moody, tired, and irritable. Let's just say his frustration tolerance level plummets to ZERO.
How much screen time is too much?
Here's what the Canadian Pediatric Society recommends:
- For children under two years old screen time is not recommended.
- For children two to five years old limit screen time to less than one hour a day.
- For children older than five limit screen time to less than two hours a day.
I'm going to consider these recommendations as a guideline. On some days the kids won't have any screen time and on other days they will have more than what's recommended.
What I want to prevent is mindlessly jumping onto screens the moment they get bored or clocking hours per day of passive entertainment - especially the dreaded social media. I had to explain to my kids that I don't know these strangers they want to watch on YouTube or TikTok. I have no idea who they are, what their values are, or what they are trying to sell. I would have to watch the videos with them.
And don't get me started on TikTok with its 5-second reels. It's not doing my kids any favors when it comes to focusing and learning.
Did you know?
Hundreds of social media addiction lawsuits are being filed against major platforms, including Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, YouTube, and Discord. These lawsuits allege that the companies intentionally designed their platforms to be addictive to children and teens without warning of the mental and physical harm that would follow.
So, here's the game plan:
How to talk to kids about healthy screen habits
I'm not a parenting expert. I make daily...who am I kidding?...hourly parenting mistakes. But I did my best to explain to the kids that my number one job as their parent is to keep them safe - and that includes protecting them from the negative effects of electronics. How did it go? My kids started rolling their eyes and trying to walk away from the conversation. But I was so clever and persuasive that they gave in. NOT!!! I had to use my stern "parent voice" and force them to remain in the conversation.
We talked about what the Canadian Pediatric Society recommends for kids regarding screen time. I asked them if they knew why they recommend no more than 2 hours of screen time per day and we talked about some of the negative effects of too much screen time.
At this point, I'm sure all the parents reading this are now rolling their eyes. I know what you're thinking and you're right! This was not a nice discussion where we sat around the table like adults and had a heart-to-heart. At this point, my kids could already see where the conversation was headed and I'll admit there was some panicking and maybe a little shouting. So, I quickly turned the tables around and we talked about what they love about screen time, what they want to use it for, and how they thought it benefited them. And then I asked them what they didn't like about it and how it made them feel when they had too much.
To illustrate my bad parenting, my son brought up a day I let him have endless amounts of screen time. I can't remember why because that's not the norm. But he said his eyes burned afterward. Then he informed me that that was bad parenting. Wow! Talk about feeling terrible. But he made my point for me! Kids aren't able to set their boundaries when it comes to screens. They need our help and WANT our help even though it's incredibly hard to tell by their whining and incessant complaining the second you set a boundary.
So, now it was time to set those boundaries and I gave them a little bit of a say in setting the limits. Keep in mind my kids are older.
It was important to my son that he had some time in the morning to play video games with his friends because this is when his best buddies are online. He also requested time in the evening to watch his favorite show and play his coding game, Scratch. I felt these were reasonable requests and I assured him we would make time for these things - maybe not every single day.
I also made it clear what would happen if they didn't follow the screen rules we set together. The electronics would swiftly be taken away.
Resources: If you need some help talking to your kids about electronics, here are 6 kids' books that help explain screen time limits. I was going to recommend a couple of videos but, considering the topic, I thought books would be more appropriate.
Screen-free activities: Make summer more fun!
The key point I tried to make with my kids is that I'm not trying to take away their fun. Instead, I want to make their summer even MORE fun and adventurous! I want them to have summers like I did, like their grandparents did. I explained that the less we are on screens, the more time we have for other things. I asked them what their favorite things to do were. And guess what? Screens were not first on the list. Friends were.
So, next, we had a giant brainstorming session of all the fun things we wanted to do this summer. They came up with some surprising suggestions. My son wants to be a chef and was excited about looking through his cookbooks and going to the store to pick up ingredients so he could learn a new recipe each week. He also asked to pick up ingredients so he could have a weekly lemonade stand at the end of the road. Predictably, he requested more play dates with his friends. Surprisingly, he also asked to head to the dollar store to get some new craft supplies. The list also included things like trips to the beach, park, and zoo, play dates in the pool, a sprinkler and slip n' slide day, bike rides, Lego building challenges, and a family game night.
I printed off a blank calendar and we filled in the dates with all sorts of fun ideas as well as local free events and celebrations during the summer.
"No screens until" rule: Set boundaries for device use
So, what happens when they inevitably forget everything we discussed, we don't have anything planned, they're bored and, of course, they want electronics? The first question I will be asking is if they've done their chores and if they've spent time reading and playing outside.
For example, for our son, these are my daily expectations
- You've made your bed and your room is clean
- You've fed the dog and the chickens
- You've emptied the dishwasher
- You've made your breakfast and packed your lunch
- You've read for 20 minutes
- You've played, built, or crafted something
- You've done a 20-minute workout (This may sound strange but my son actually enjoys working out. He blasts the music, lifts weights, hits the punching bag, and jumps on the trampoline. He calls it his workout and he has a lot of fun doing it.)
- You've gone outside to play for at least an hour.
You might also like Your Modern Family's "no screen time until" ideas. Basically, you can't go on screens until you've completed certain tasks.
Summer earnings: Teach kids about money through paid gigs
Let's say they've completed everything on your daily expectations list and they can't possibly think of anything to do other than hop on a screen. At this point, I'd normally kick them outside and tell them to figure it out. But this summer we are introducing paid chores as a way to teach them about money.
Did you know Gen Z's credit card debt has increased by 40% in the past year alone? Gen Z had more credit card debt in their early 20s than any other generation did at that age. Unfortunately, money skills aren't often taught in schools but, even if they were, can you really learn about finances without earning, saving, and spending money?
Paying for tasks is different from an allowance, which can have the opposite effect leading to an aversion to work and a lack of motivation.
I know not everyone is going to agree with paying for chores but my kids have certain chores they are expected to do like keeping their room clean, feeding the animals, taking the garbage to the road, clearing their plates after a meal, and helping with the dishes. These are tasks I expect them to complete as a member of our family. I'm talking about paying for extra tasks like washing windows, cleaning out the garage, or planning the family trip.
Scott Donnelly, best-selling author of Value Creation Kids, The Healthy Struggles Your Children Need to Succeed, explains this well on his website - dinnertable.com. He has a complete system and app called GravyStack that makes implementing paid chores easy. Unfortunately, it's not available in Canada.
What Scott recommends is paying kids for chores based on the value they create for the family. The kids then use part of the money they earn to pay for expenses. No more asking Mom or Dad for money. Going to a birthday party? Use your earned money to buy the gift. Want a treat at the store? Dig out your wallet. Here are some other examples: toys/trinkets, games, sports equipment or, social outings like the movies. He recommends giving your kids one to two expenses they will be responsible for.
What I especially love about his system is that he not only pays kids for doing chores (what he calls action gigs) but for learning. He calls them "brain gigs". Here are some examples of brain gigs you might pay your kids for: writing out a meal plan for the week, reading a non-fiction book and summarizing their key takeaways, or…in the spirit of this post…taking a break from screens!
If you live in the United States, you can just download the app and you'll find lots of examples of chore/action gigs, brain gigs, and even community gigs. We are going to start with the action gigs and add on with time. Here are some examples (keep in mind my kids will be turning 11 and 15 this summer):
Paid Action Gig Ideas
- Water the plants
- Vacuum the house
- Bake a family treat
- Wash and fold laundry
- Wash the car
- Wipe bathroom surfaces and clean the toilet
- Mop floors
- Clean the inside of the fridge
- Clean the shower
- Clean the windows
- Make family dinner
- Brush the dog
- Clean up dog poo
- Mow lawn
- Babysitting
- Tutoring
- Help plan a family trip
For more ideas, here's a list of age-appropriate chores for children from webmd.com.
I let the kids help decide how much we would pay per chore. They were very reasonable about the amounts except for picking up the dog poo. My son wanted at least $20.
If your family is like mine, earning some money will seem very exciting and they will want to get started right away. But if your kids have never done these chores before, you will have to do it with them the first few times so they understand your expectations. I explained to them that we are paying for the value they create for our family so they have to be done to a certain standard.
Key take away
I don't expect my plan to go perfectly. Still, I'm hoping this summer has a lot less screen time and a lot more adventure, more time for the kids to be bored and use their imaginations, more time in nature, more play dates with friends, and hopefully an opportunity for them to learn about money. This is a to-be-continued story and, if I see people are interested, I will have an update on how we fared in September.
Thanks for reading and I wish you and your family a wonderful summer with plenty of outdoor adventures and much less screen time.
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